Holy, tender, heart-wrenching moments indeed!

Friday was such an incredible day - filled with moments that are very difficult to put to words, but that are forever etched into my heart.  I will try to walk through it a bit here, knowing that it will take a long time for me to truly grasp what happened.

It began with a provocative and stirring sermon by Rev. Philip Peacock, who is the Executive Secretary of thge World Council of Reformed churches.   He suggested that we, as a church, need to be prepared to be discombobulated - twisted into a new shape.  His reflection was that we had become somewhat focused on making sure we were ever more structured through our remits and proposals - and in doing that we have forgotten what freedom looks like.  He wondered if our very claim to become a justice seeking church had become our piety.  A quote from his sermon:   

“The question is how can we unlearn our privilege and learn to listen to others? This should not be an accumulation and an assimilation of the knowledge of others into our own systems. This means that we allow the other, and particularly the marginalized/broken other, to derange and destabilize us, to completely and fundamentally change us. That listening to the other really should twist us out of shape in a way that we are no longer the same,”   Many of us rose to our feet to give him a rousing standing ovation - as I listened to him I felt like he was articulating clearly the church that I wanted to be a part of.  

We then went on to the business before us.  It was the last day, so the Moderator (Jordan) and the Executive Secretary (Norah) were suitably attired to try to remind us to lighten up a wee bit:

We moved through many, many motions and used our clickers many times.  I know that eventually I will sort out what the business of the day was.  However, it was at the end of all of our business, just before the closing motions were to happen, that one of our ecumenical reflectors, Paul Walfall from Fort Saskatchewan, Alberta, rose to give his reflection to us.  He is originally from Jamaica, and worked for 14 years in the Methodist church in Barbados.  He held nothing back.  He named clearly and concisely that racism is very much evident in Canada - both in the wider community, but also in many places in our church.  One of the images I will hold onto for a long time is when he spoke about how someone, likely with good intentions, said to him: "Paul, when I look at you, I don't see the color of your skin, I just see a person".  Paul said he actually found such words very offensive.  If you don't see my black skin, then you don't see me.  He said he experienced those words as trying to make him white - of trying to deny where he has come from, and who he is as a black man.  Paul finished his reflection, the Moderator thanked him, and then, recognizing it had been a very long day, asked the music team if they could perhaps play us a rousing tune to wake us up and get us ready for supper.  Before they could begin, two youth stepped up to the mike for a point of personal privilege.  They said, we can't just say thank you to this man and then move on - we need to allow his words to stir us into doing our business in a very different way.  And we need to ask forgiveness from all our marginalized and racialized siblings.  There was a pause - and then Jordan asked all the white commissioners to step back - to step far away from the mikes.  And she asked if any of our racialized commissioners would like to speak to us this day.  For the next two hours - yes - two full hours - we listened to story after story after story.  We were truly honored - and discombobulated.

This is Yoon Ok - a classmate of mine from Korea.  I so clearly remember her from our days at the Center for Christian Studies - 1995 to 2000.  Her English in those days was extremely limited.  She had to constantly have her phone present to translate words.  And she was exhausted all the time - every time we turned around she was having a nap somewhere!  So to see her stand up at the mike at General Council touched my heart deeply - such an articulate, kind, wise woman!  She said that when she was settled into a rural community in Alberta, she didn't experience racism as much - she was welcomed very warmly into their lives.  However, it was now that she was working the city in new position that she was aware more fully of racism.  That her words were only welcome some of the time.  And she often did not feel as welcome in church circles as she used to feel.

This is Marie Claude - she lives in Montreal.  She had a woman stand with her to translate because she said that when she is emotional, her English disappears - so she spoke in French with us - although she actually has 6 other languages she could use!  She spoke about her pain in being a black woman here in Canada - stories that are sometimes too painful to express in such a public way.  I actually don't remember the specifics of what she said - but I will always remember her and the grace with which she spoke. 

Story - after story - after story.  And we sat.  And we listened.  And we cried.  And we listened to our racialized sisters and brothers - sometimes born here in Canada, sometimes born in other lands: people from the Caribbean, people from Africa, people from Korea, people from other parts of Asia, indigenous people from across Canada, people from India - many, many stories.  

This is my soul sister - Marlene Britton.  She and I were roommates here at General Council.  She was born in Jamaica, and worked as diaconal minister in Barbados.  She stood at the mike to share some of her story.  She spoke about applying for job as a minister in a congregation in the United Church - she was told at the time that they weren't ready for a female minister.  However, within a VERY short time, they hired a female white minister.  She challenged us to think of demographics - where are many of our black brothers & sisters living?  In Toronto.  Where we have very, very few black ministers.  Where are black ministers working?  Many of them in smaller rural communities across the country.  Then she looked out at us and said - you people need to do some work.  Racism is very much present in this church of ours.  She is now working in Thunder Bay - and she loves where she is.  In many ways, she feels seen and welcomed.  And that is a good thing.  It does not mean there is no racism - there is plenty.  However, she has a community of support.  And I count myself as extremely blessed that she is a part of my life.

This is one of the songs that the music team used in the morning worship and that speaks to one of the truths that I will hold onto:  Love grows tired of sweetly not speaking truth to power.  Marlene and I were de-briefing the experience later, and in our conversation I experienced her love for this country and for this church - she most definitely spoke her truth with a compassion that came straight from her heart - without glossing over the need for change and for a new way of seeing.

As I was scrolling through some of the facebook posts after the day was done, I found this picture of Maya Angelou that spoke about what I want to carry away with me - reminding me that I have heard - I have been discombobulated - and now I will do my utmost best to do better.

As you know from earlier posts, there have been two indigenous Elders as my table group.  Doreen Angus joined her husband Jim at our table and her comment was that in the Indigenous tradition, talking circles happen all the time - circles where stories are shared - often as a way towards healing and transformation.  What we experienced on during those two hours was most definitely in that tradition of a talking circle.  Just before 8, Elder Lorna Standingready closed our time with a prayer - it was heart-felt, grace-filled, Spirit-led - and it was exactly what we needed!  Marlene and I left to go our room - we both needed a change of clothing - I was freezing, she was overheated - the body handles stress in all kinds of ways!  But as we stepped outside there was a full moon.  This picture doesn't do it justice, but here it is:

Giving us energy and strength for moving forward...may it be so.

After supper, we moved into our closing worship - beginning at 9 p.m. rather than the scheduled 7 p.m. - oh well.  It was the occasion of our new Moderator being installed.  Here are a few photos from that occasion of giving him symbols, and doing the work of letting Jordan go, and welcoming Richard in as our new Moderator:

Richard, with his parents, Joy & George Bott

Jim & Doreen Angus, presenting the Talking Stick

 
 

Jordon presenting the Stole, which she had just held as she danced - it was a beautifully celebratory dance, which I couldn't possibly capture in a picture - it was lovely!

 

There was communion shared as part of the service - passing of the peace was a very important and essential part of this service - felt much more heart-felt than it sometimes does in our regular Sunday morning worship.  barb janes, one of the worship leaders, posted this picture on her facebook page at the end of our time, after people had left.  It is a poignant reminder of the Holy ground we had walked upon and the challenge for us to go and be the church we are called to be, wherever we find ourselves:

The words below were yet another post on Facebook that I saw.  These words say it all for me.  And so I leave you with them.  I am now starting 3 weeks of much needed holidays.  I am so very glad that I was at General Council - and although I am truly feeling discombobulated, I am also feeling graced with the gift we were given by the vulnerability, the courage and the strength of the truth-telling we heard.  Blessed be..and thank you for reading my blog and sending me words of encouragement over this past week - I have felt the wider community walking with us, and that is a good thing.

The task is ended
go in pieces

†

our concluding faith
is being rear-ended
certainty’s being amended
and something’s getting mended
that we didn’t know
was torn

†

we’re unravelling
and are traveling to a place
of
new-formed-patterns,
with delusion as a fusion of
loss, and hope, and pain and beauty.

†

so,

†

the task is ended
go in pieces
to see and feel
your world.

~ padraig o tuama

Simmering and pondering...

Today I am travelling back to Manitoba.  My heart is full to overflowing and my brain is rather foggy.  So I will let things continue to sink into my soul and tomorrow (Sunday) I will write my final post - hopefully by then I will feel articulate again!

Until tomorrow....

And here we are on Thursday...

Gotta admit - things are starting to blur together a wee little bit!  I can't possibly capture all that is happening in these short little reflections I am doing.  Hopefully it is giving you a glimpse of life here in the chaos of the world at General Council.

Yesterday much of the focus was on choosing our new moderator.  It is quite the process.  It began with seeing all 10 names up on the screen.

For each ballot there was 6 minutes where we were to sit in silence and reflect on the choices before us.  During that time our musicians provided music to carry us through - it was powerful to listen to the Bassoon, the theremin, and the tin flute - all played by the bearded man you see here on the stage:

Bassoon

Commissioners reflect in silence

Tin flute

Theremin - google it - it is a sound like you have never heard before!  He played Amazing Grace - eerily beautiful!

 After the 6 minutes of reflection, we were invited to press the number beside the name of the candidate we each chose.  Then throughout the morning, Nora Sanders would stand up, announce the names of those who would be on the next ballot, and we would pray for those who would not be moving forward.  It was respectful and in many ways felt like we were walking on Holy Ground with each new ballot and fewer and fewer names to choose from.  We began the process at 9 a.m., and by noon we had chosen our new Moderator, Richard Bott.  Full disclosure - he was not my choice.  I was really hoping Susan Beaver would be the person going forward.  However, as I watched Richard standing there, being blessed by the drumming of a group of First Nations women, I watched the graciousness with which they blessed him, and I did my best to open my heart to the same kind of grace.  Each Moderator brings their own gifts and skills to this position, and I am glad to have been here to be part of the choosing.

Our opening worship used the gift of raspberries to invite us into a reflection on social justice:  "to get to the sweetness of the fruit of justice, we need to go into the berry patch and prepare to be scratched."  After holding the berries in our hands, we were then invited to savour the sweetness of the fruit.  One of those worship experiences that engaged all of our senses - it was quite moving - the image will stay with me for awhile:



We also were invited to wear black on Thursday so that we could be part of a world-wide movement to speak against violence and rape.  Here is a picture of my diaconal colleagues wearing black.  Watch for the photo of the General Council commissioners who wore black - we filled the bleachers!  And since it is a rather sombre topic, we were asked not to smile - hard to remember that when the cameras are pointing towards you!

The afternoon was spent in discussion groups, but I was very tired and felt like I didn't absorb a whole lot.  So I took a break when my Aunt Lois, and my cousin Fraser came for a visit for a couple of hours.  One of Lois's soul mates is Michael Blair, from the General Council office - I'm glad they had a visit as well.

In the evening the Youth Forum did a very moving reflection on the apologies of the Church for the Residential School tragedies, and shared their own stories of reconciliation.  

 This is a picture of Jimmy, watching the youth.  At the end of the presentation we asked the two Elders at our table - both indigenous men, both in their 70's, what they were thinking.  Jimmy told us that it made him think of his own 4 daughters and how he had apologized to them for not teaching them his language.  He said he was told he couldn't speak it at all while he was in school, so it took him many many years to have the courage to speak it again - and his children missed out on learning it from him.  The other man, Jim Angus, is from B.C.  He spoke about how his sister was taken from their home when she was still a baby - and he has just gotten in touch with her in the past few months.  Very emotional for him to hear these young people speaking in such hopeful ways about learning the story of what had happened, and speaking out so passionately about our need to work on reconciliation - he said our hope is in their passion - it is not in our remits and proposals!

They ended their presentation by weaving together ribbons and placing them on the stage, remembering the ways we are bound together in love - even when we get scratched a little moving towards that point of living into right relationship.

And now it is Friday morning and we have an extremely full day ahead of getting through as many proposals as we possibly can.  May I have the stamina to stay engaged!  Here is the rising sun out of my bedroom window, calling me into the day.  Remember the question that I often speak about on a Sunday morning - what will we do with the gift of this brand new day??

Wednesday reflections...

One of the pieces I absolutely love about General Council is hearing French much more often than I usually do.  Our musicians here are absolutely wonderful.  Wednesday morning Brianne led us in singing a couple of verses in French for Lord Jesus, of you I will sing as I journey.  This hymn is one that I think of as the L'Arche hymn - my sister volunteered with L'Arche in France 45 years ago, and then returned there as part of her gift to herself just after retirement this summer.  So while we sang it in French on Wednesday, I felt myself lifting a glass to my sister!

I was glad to have those thoughts in my head/heart as we moved to the business portion of our meeting and our colleagues and friends from French Canada spoke to their pain at feeling like the rest of our United Church has forgotten that we are a bilingual church. After much discussion, we did pass a motion that moved us towards being more intentional at making sure that there is a French voice and perspective involved in our decision making council at the national level.


One of the other exciting pieces of business we passed was our motion to formally enter full communion with the church: Disciples of Christ, in the United States and in Canada.  To be in full communion means that we will work even more closely together in the places where we can - primarily in social justice and education, but also in our leadership.  We are also in full communion with the United Church of Christ in the United States.  When the vote was passed there was a huge cheer and many hugs up on the stage!

In our opening worship on Wednesday morning, the theme was that very simple sentence: Love One Another.  Sounds so simple - yet has so, so, many layers to it!  Our preacher (I'm sorry I can't seem to find her name anywhere in my dazed state this morning!) spoke about the long history of accompaniment in the Middle East.  She said that since 2002, there have been about 1200 people from around the world that go every year as part of this program of walking alongside those whose lives are in danger - hopefully helping to bring some safety through solidarity.  She said that what the world needs is not perfectionism, but love - we need to be courageous, not perfect.  It was helpful to hear her perspective as we think about the theme of this General Council: Risking Faith - Daring Hope.

Wednesday afternoon and evening provided a MUCH needed break - business was suspended as we all scattered to give our brains some rest!  I chose to go on an excursion to two wineries in the Prince Edward County.  It was a relaxing day to chat, to sip some excellent wine, and to just let things settle a wee bit.  Here are some of the photos from our afternoon:

Our Bus!

 

 Happy to be on the road!

                                     

At the final winery there was a rather spectacular sculpture garden.  I am quite sure some of these will show up in my power points for worship back in Portage La Prairie.  It was fun just to wander and take some more photos.

 

This is not a sculpture!  It is my friend Tricia - contemplating life:

We finished the evening with a delicious supper at a VERY long table and then a 2 hour bus ride home, where apparently I could be heard snoring!  I was rather exhausted.  But it was a good day and a good break.  Thursday we move into choosing our moderator, and hopefully moving a little more quickly through the many proposals that are still on the table for us to take action on.  Here is how we ended the day on Wednesday: